§àõ½á±õÙ »ë…, ÇëÏ á±í ãÇ áõ½áõÙ, ¨ ÇÝãá±õ ãáõ½»Ý áñ…¦, - ϳñͻ٠³Ûëå»ë ¿ñ ëÏëíáõÙ å³ïÙí³ÍùÁ, ß³ñáõݳÏáõÃÛáõÝÁ ã»Ù ÑÇßáõÙ, µ³Ûó ³í³ñïÇÝ ¹áõ ãϳÛÇñ, ³ÛëÇÝùÝ` ϳÛÇñ, µ³Ûó áã ÇÝÓ Ñ»ï áõ ÇÝÓ Ñ³Ù³ñ, ÇëÏ ÙÇÝã ³Û¹ »ë ÙÇ ãÝãÇÝ ÑáõÛë áõÝ»Ç, áñ ·áÝ» ¹áõ ³í»ÉÇÝ Ïáõ½»Çñ, ù³Ý… áõ½»ÉÝ ¿: ØÇ ù³ÝÇ ûñ ¿É ã¿ñ ³Ýó»É, ¨ ¹áõ ß³ï ëÇñáõÝ ßñËϳóñÇñ. §¾É ã»Ù áõ½áõÙ, ̳ÕϳÓáñáõÙ ÙÇ åëïÇÏ áõ ëÇñáõÝ ³ÕçÇÏ…, áõß³ó³ñ¦:
ìñ³ åñͳ ¹³ñ³ÏÝ»ñÇë, áñ ÙÇ »ñÏïáÕ, ÙÇ Ëáõݳó³Í, ³Ý³í³ñï ӻ鳷Çñ ·ïÝ»Ù, µ³Ûó áã ÙÇ Ñ»ïù ãϳñ, ϳñÍ»ë ·»ïÝÇ ï³ÏÝ ¿ÇÝ ³Ýó»É, ÙÇÝã¹»é ÙÇ íÇå³ÏÇ ã³÷ ѳٳñÛ³ ·ñáï»É ¿Ç. ÙÇ ù³ÝÇ ³Ý·³Ù Ñ»ï¹ ùÝ»É-³ñÃݳó»É, ù»½ áõñÇßÝ»ñÇÝ ÝíÇñ»É áõ Ýñ³ÝóÇó ËÉ»É ¿Ç, ÇÝÓ ï³ñ»É-ïí»É ¿Ç ³Ù»Ý³Ï³ñáÕ óáõÉÇÝ áõ ¿ÉÇ »ï »Ï»É` ß»Ùǹ Íí³ñ»É ¿Ç, áñ ÇÝÓ Ñ³Ù³ñ ³ëïÕ»ñ Çç»óÝ»ë:
§²ë³’, DZÝ㠳ݻ٠ù»½ ѳٳñ…, áõ½á±õÙ »ë` ¿ë å³ïÇó ϳËí³Í µáÉáñ ÷áõãÇÏÝ»ñÁ å³Ûûóݻ٠áõ Ù³ñ¹Ï³Ýó ïáÝÁ ѳñ³Ù»Ù¦, - ϳñͻ٠ݻñáݳÛÇÝ ³ÛëåÇëÇ ÝÏñïáõÙáí ÙÇ ¹ñí³· ¿É ϳñ ³Û¹ ÑÇÝ å³ïÙí³ÍùáõÙ, áñÇ ·áÝ» ÙÇ ×Õ×Õí³Í å³ï³éÇÏÁ ã·ï³ áõ ã·ï³ å³ñÏ»ñáí ³Ùµ³ñí³Í ÃÕûñÇë Ù»ç: ÆÝã ³Ýå»ïùáõÃÛáõÝ ³ë»ë, å³ÑáõÙ »Ù, µ³Ûó ϳï³ÕáõÃÛ³Ý ÙáÉáõóùÇë Ù»ç ÇÝã»~ñ »Ù áãÝã³óñ»É: ØÇ ûñ åëïÇÏ ëÇñáõÝǹ Ñ»ï Ó»ÕݳѳñÏÇó ÇçÝ»ÉÇë, ëÇñáõó ÏáõßïáõÏáõé, ݳۻóÇñ.
-à±Ýó »ë, ë»ñ¹ ·ÅíáõÙ ¿ ù»½ ѳٳñ:
ºë ¿É, ¹áõ ¿É ·Çï»ÇÝù, áñ ë»ñÁ, áõï»ÉÇùÇ å»ë, Ý³Ë ¨ ³é³ç ù³Õó³ÍÇÝ »Ý ï³ÉÇë: гßïí»óÇÝù Çñ³ñ ÏáÕùÇ áõñÇßÝ»ñÇÝ ëÇñ»Éáõ ÷³ëïÇ Ñ»ï: Ä³Ù³Ý³Ï ³é Å³Ù³Ý³Ï ¹ÇíáïáõÙ ¿Çñ, ÃáõɳÙáñà áõ ³ÝѳçáÕ ÷áñÓ»ñ ³ÝáõÙ, ÇëÏ ³Ù»Ý³Ù»Í ·ÉáõË·áñÍáóÁ Ëáëïáí³ÝáõÃÛáõݹ ¿ñ.
-êÇñáõÑÇ ÉÇÝ»Éáõó Ñ»ßï ·á±ñÍ, ¹Åí³ñÁ ÁÝÏ»ñ ÉÇÝ»ÉÝ ¿, ¹áõ ÇÙ…
§Ò»éù¹ Ùï³í Ùáõßï³ÏÇë èùÇ Ù»ç, ûÕ³Ï»ó ¹³ëï³Ïë, áõ Ù³ïÝ»ñǹ ç»ñÙáõÃÛáõÝÁ ï³ÏÝáõíñ³ ³ñ»ó ѳ½³ñ ï³ñÇ ùݳÍÇë: ºë ³Ýå³ïϳé ïÝù³óÇ` Ó»éù¹ ïáõñ ÇÝÓ` ï³Ý»Ù ïáõÝ: ²Ù»Ý ûñ, ûñÁ ÙÇ ù³ÝÇ ³Ý·³Ù û׳éáí ÏÉí³Ý³Ù, ³Ýáõß ùëáõÏáí Ïå³ï»Ù, ÏÙ»ñë»Ù áõ ³ÛÝù³Ý Ï÷³Û÷³Û»Ù, áñ ¹³éݳ óݷ³ñ³Ý³ÛÇÝ ÝÙáõߦ, - ÑÇÙ³ ³Õáï »Ù ÑÇßáõÙ, µ³Ûó å³ïÙí³ÍùÇë ÙÇ ¹ñí³·áõ٠ϳñͻ٠³ÛëåÇëÇ ë³¹Çëï³Ï³Ý ï»Ýã³Ýù ϳñ:
¶ñá~ÕÁ ï³ÝÇ, ³ë³` ¿¹ Ë»Õ× ÃÕûñÁ ù»½ DZÝã ¿ÇÝ ³ñ»É, áñ å³ï³éáï»óÇñ` Ñ»ñÇù ãÇ, Ïñ³Ï³ÛñÇãÝ ¿É ãËϳóñÇñ, ÙÇÝ㨠ÙáËÇñ ³Ûñ»óÇñ áõ íñ³Ý ÙÇ ù³ÝÇ ¹áõÛÉ çáõñ ÉóñÇñ, áñ Ñ»ïù, ÝßáõÛÉ ãÙݳ: âÙݳ±ó:
§ºñµ ˳ÝáõÃÇ óáõó³÷»ÕÏáõÙ ¹ñí³Í ×»÷-×»ñÙ³Ï »ñϳñ³×ÇïÝ»ñ ï»ë³ñ, µ»ñ³Ý¹ µ³ó Ùݳó, ÇëÏ »ñµ ·ÇÝÝ ÇÙ³ó³ñ (ëáí»ïÇ ÷áÕÁ ÷áËí»Éáõó Ñ»ïá ¿ñ), ÑáÝù»ñ¹ Ãé³Ý ׳ϳïǹ, áõ ³Ï³ÝçÇë ÷ë÷ë³óÇñ.§ÎÇÝë Ñ»Ýó ¿ë ï»ë³Ï Ýí»ñ ¿ ëï³ó»É, ·Ý³Ù ³ë»Ù, µ»ñ»Ýù ¹Ý»Ýù ¿ëï»Õ, ÃáÕ í³×³éíÇ, ÙÇ ³ÙÇë ϳåñ»Ýù¦:
ØÇÝã¹»é í³×³éáÕáõÑÇÝ Ï³ñÍ»ó, û…
- Þ³ï ׳߳Ïáí ÁÝïñáõÃÛáõÝ ¿, ³é³Ýó ϳëϳͻÉáõ í»ñóñ»ù, Ò»½ ß³ï Ïë³½Ç, Ò»ñ áïݳóÃÇ ¨ ëñáõÝùÇ ÏáñÁ ß³ï Ýñµ³·»Õ ¿, ×Çßï ³Ûë »ñϳñ³×ÇïÝ»ñÇ Ñ³Ù³ñ ëï»ÕÍí³Í:
¸áõ ³å߳ѳñ ݳÛáõÙ ¿Çñ Ù»Ï ÇÙ áïù»ñÇÝ, Ù»Ï óáõó³÷»ÕÏáõÙ ¹ñí³Í ×»÷-×»ñÙ³Ï »ñϳñ³×ÇïÝ»ñÇݦ:
²Ñ³’, ï»ëÝá±õÙ »ë, ÝáõÛÝÇëÏ ³Ûë ¹ñí³·Á ÑÇß»óÇ, ÇëÏ ÇÝÓ ÃíáõÙ ¿ñ, û ÙáËÇñÁ çñÇ µ»ñ³ÝÁ ï³Éáí` ³Ù»Ý µ³Ý çÝç»É »Ù: æÝçáÕÝ ¿É »ë »Ù, ÑÇßáÕÝ ¿É, ÙÝáõÙ ¿, áñ ³Ûë Ýáñ å³ïÙí³ÍùáõÙ ¹ñí³·Ý»ñÁ ¹áõ ·ñ»ë, û ã¿ íï³Ý· ϳ, áñ å³ïÙáõÃÛáõÝÁ ÏñÏÝíáõÙ ¿, áõ »ë ÇÙ ëï»ÕͳÍÇ Ó»éùÇó Ïñ³ÏÝ »Ù ÁÝÏÝáõÙ:
ºñµ ÇÝÓ Ñ³Ù³ñ (·áõó» ù»½ ѳٳñ ¿É) ݳËáñ¹ å³ïÙí³ÍùÇó ¿É áãÇÝã ã¿ñ Ùݳó»É, ¹áõ ³Ýï³Ý»ÉÇ áõÕÇÕ ³ë³óÇñ.
-Ø»Ýù ǽáõñ ¿¹ù³Ý ï³ñÇÝ»ñ ÏáñóñÇÝù, Ù»Õ³íáñÁ »ë ¿Ç: - êñ³ÝÇó µ³ó ¿É DZÝã ³ÏݳñÏ»ë: ºë å³ñ½ ï»ë³ Ýáñ å³ïÙí³ÍùÇ í»ñݳ·ÇñÁ:
²Ûë ¹ñí³·Á áã ÑÇÝ å³ïÙí³Íùáõ٠ϳ, áã ¿É` ÝáñáõÙ, µ³Ûó »ñ¨Ç ¿ëùǽݻñ ¿Çñ ³ÝáõÙ, áñ Ñ»ïá ÙÇ ï»Õ ѳñÙ³ñ³óÝ»ë: ¸áõ ¿Ý ·ÉËÇó ·Çï»Çñ, áñ ³Ûë å³ïÙí³ÍùÁ »ë ã»Ù ·ñ»Éáõ: àõ½áõÙ »Ù ³Ûë ³Ý·³Ù »ñÏáõ å»ñëáݳÅÇ ¹»ñáõ٠ѳݹ»ë ·³É. ·áñÍáÕÇ áõ ¹ÇïáÕÇ, ÇëÏ Ñ»ÕÇݳÏÇ Çñ³íáõÝùÁ ÃáÕÝáõÙ »Ù ù»½: î»ëÝ»Ù` DZÝã ¹áõñë Ï·³:
-êË³É ë˳ÉÇ »ï¨Çó »ë ³ÝáõÙ, ¿ëå»ë ÙÇÝ㨠á±õñ ÏѳëÝ»ë, - ÇÝÓ Ãí³ó` ÙéÉï³óÇñ:
¼·³ëï³ó³, ë³ Ýáñ å³ïÙí³ÍùÇ ùá ³é³çÇÝ ¹ñí³·Ý ¿:
§ØÇÝ㨠³Ï³ÝçÝ»ñÇë ͳÛñÁ ëÇñ³Ñ³ñí»É »Ù, è»ñ ã³éÝ»ë¦, - ³Ñ³’ ÇÙ ³é³çÇÝ ë˳ÉÁ:
-ºñ»Ïí³ Í³ÕÇÏÁ ¹»é ãDZ óé³Ù»É, - ë³ ¿É »ñÏñáñ¹ ¹ñí³·¹, - áÝó áñ ³ë»Çñ` åÇïÇ Ã³é³Ù³Í ÉÇÝ»ñ:
ØïùáõÙë ³ë³óÇ` áõ½áõÙ »ë, Ïóé³ÙÇ: ºë ³ÛëåÇëÇ µ³Ý»ñÇ »±Ù ¹ÇÙ³ó»É:
§¾ÝåÇëÇ µ³Ý ³ñ³, áñ ³½³ïí»Ù ù»½ÝÇó¦, - ë³ ¿É »ñÏñáñ¹ ë˳Éë:
-²ñÇ ·Ý³Ýù` µéݳµ³ñ»Ù, û± ¹³ ¿Ýù³Ý ¿É í³ï µ³Ý ãÇ, - ¨ë ÙÇ Ãáõݹ ¹ñí³·:
à±í ãÇ ³ëÇ, áñ §áõ½íáñǦ Ñá·»µ³ÝáõÃÛáõÝÁ Ëáñ ³ñÙ³ïÝ»ñáí µáõÝ ¿ ¹ÝáõÙ ³Ýë»ñ ï³ñ³ÍùÝ»ñáõÙ, áñå»ë½Ç ÙÇÝ㨠í»ñç ˳ÝÓÇ áõ ³Ù³Û³óÝÇ ÷³ñóÙáñ»Ý ³×³Í ·³½áÝÁ:
²Ûë ³Ý·³Ù »ë áãÇÝã ã»Ù ·ñ»Éáõ, Ó»éù»ñë Í³É³Í Ýëï»Éáõ »Ù` ëå³ë»Ù, Ñ»ÕÇݳÏÁ ¹áõ »ë, »ë ÙdzÛÝ ë˳ÉÝ»ñ ³ÝáÕÝ »Ù:
-Ò»éùÇ ùëáõÏ ãáõÝ»±ë, Ó»éùÇ ùëáõÏÇó ¿ñáïÇÏ Ñ³×áõÛù »Ù ëï³ÝáõÙ, - ÇÝÓ Ãí³ó, ¹áõ ³ñ¹»Ý ѳëóñ»É »ë ³é³Ýó ÇÝÓ…, - ¿ë ·Çß»ñ ѳ½Çí ѳݷÇëï ùÝ»óÇ, - ³ë³óÇñ, áõ ëÇñïë ÁÝϳí áïù»ñë:
úñ»ñ ³Ýó ù»½ Ó»éùÇ ùëáõÏ ÝíÇñ»óÇ: лñÃ³Ï³Ý ë˳ÉÁ:
²Ù³½áÝáõÑÇÝ»ñÁ Ïݳ˳ÝÓ»Ý ÇÙ ë³ÝÓ³ñÓ³Ï ³½³ïáõÃÛ³ÝÁ, áñ ù»½ ÏáñóÝ»Éáõ íï³Ý·Çó ¿ ÍÝíáõÙ:
-¾ë ÏáÕÙ»ñáõÙ ã»±ë »Õ»É…, ³ëáõÙ »Ù` ¿ë ÏáÕÙ»ñáõÙ ã»±ë »Õ»É, - Ó³ÛÝǹ Ù»ç í³ï óùóñ³Í Ñ»·Ý³Ýù ϳ, - §·Çï»Ù, áñ »Õ»É »ë áõ ³é³Ýó ÇÝÓ¦, - ѳçáÕí³Í ¹ñí³· ¿` Ë³Ý¹Ç áõ íñ»ÅÇ Ë³éÝáõñ¹áí:
Ø»éÝáõÙ »Ù Ù³ïÝ»ñǹ ¹Çåã»Éáõ ó³ÝÏáõÃÛáõÝÇó áõ ³ÝÓ³ÛÝ, ³ÝÍåïáõÝ Ñ»é³ÝáõÙ »Ù: ê˳ÉÝ»ñÇë ѳßÇíÁ Ïáñóñ»É »Ù:
§ØÇ »ñÏáõ ų٠ѳ½Çí ¿ ³Ýó»É, µ³Ûó ѳëóñ»É »Ù ϳñáï»É¦, - »ë »Ù:
§ØÇ ùÇã ¿É ÇÝÓ Ñ»ï ³ÙáõëݳóÇñ¦, - ¹áõ »ë:
§ØïÇ’ñ »Ï»Õ»óǦ, - »ë »Ù áõ ÙïùÇë ³ÕáÃùÁ. §¾ë ¹éÝÇó Ï·³ë¦:
§ÐÇÙ³ áñ ã»Ï³, áõñ»ÙÝ` í»±ñç¦, - ÇÝÓ ¿ Ãíá±õÙ, û± Ñáõë³Ñ³ï »ë:
§ØÇ’ ãùíÇñ¦, - ˻ɳ·³ñíáõÙ »Ù:
§²í»ñ³ÏÝ»ñÁ Ñá·áõ¹ Ù»ç å³ÑÇñ¦, - ùÙÍÇͳÕáõÙ »ë:
²÷»ñë Ó·íáõÙ »Ý ¹»åÇ ù»½ áõ ã»Ý ѳëÝáõÙ:
§Âá’Õ…¦, - ³Ýëå³ë»ÉÇ ¹áõ »ë:
§âùíÇ’ñ ³ãùÇóë, ÃáÕ Ñ³Ý·Çëï ³åñ»Ù¦, - »ë »Ù ùá Ýáñ ¹ñí³·áõÙ:
î³ùëÇÝ ¹ÇÙ³ÝáõÙ ¿ ³ñóáõÝùÝ»ñÇë ûÅáõÃÛ³ÝÁ. í»ñç³å»ë å³ïÙí³ÍùÝ ³í³ñïíáõÙ ¿:
§²ÉÉá~…¦, - ¹áõ »ë: ²~Û ù»½ ý³µáõɳ:
§²ÉÉá~…¦, - »ë »Ù: ¾~Ñ, ¹³ñÓÛ³É ë˳Éí»óÇ:
2006
A NEW STORY WITH OLD CHARACTERS
TRANSLATION BY LILIA TSARUKYAN
EDITED BY DR. ALFRED MUELLER
“Do you want…? Who doesn’t? And why shouldn’t one want…?” If I am not mistaken, that was how the story began. I do not remember the rest, but you were not there at the end, that is, you were there, but not with me and not for me. Before that, I had some hope that you would wish a little more than….well, more than you were wanting. Hardly a few days had passed, when you threw at my face these words, “I do not want any more, a little, sweet girl in Tsaghkadzor[1]… you are too late.”
I ran to my drawers to find a few lines of my faded, unfinished handwritten notes, but there was not a single track. It was as if those had vanished, even though I had written almost a whole novel. I had slept and waken up with you, given you to the others and then taken you from them, gone to hell and back for you, waited in your doorway humbly for you to bring the stars to earth for me.
“Tell me, what should I do for you? Do you want me to pop the balloons hanging on the wall and spoil everyone’s holiday?” I think there was also such Nero-inspired passage in that old story, but I could not find even a torn bit of it in my papers. I keep every kind of trivial thing, but the important things - those I have destroyed in the midst of a rage. One day while coming downstairs from the attic with your new lover, you looked satisfied with love.
“How are you? Your sweetheart is crazy about you.” Both I and you knew that love was given first to the hungry as food. We were satisfied with the fact of loving others side by side. From time to time you would get mad, make weak and unsuccessful attempts, but the greatest masterpiece was your confession:
“There is nothing easier than being a mistress. Being a friend is difficult, you’re my…”
“Your hand went into the sleeve of my coat, chained my wrist, and the warmth of your fingers awakened me as if I had been sleeping for thousands of years. I groaned shamelessly—give me your hand and let me take it home with me. I will wash it every day several times with soap, cover it with aromatic ointments, massage it and caress so much that it will become like a museum relic.” I remember it vaguely, but in one of the passages of my story there was such a sadistic desire.
Damn it! What did those papers do to you, why did you tear those, and--even worse--flicked the lighter on, burned those to ashes, and then poured several buckets of water for no traces to be left? Was nothing left?
“When you saw the snow-white knee-high boots in the store window, you stood with your mouth open, and when you learned the price (it was after we changed the currency from Soviet money), you raised your eyebrows and whispered into my ear: “My wife got the same kind of boots as a present. Maybe I should go and tell her to take them to this shop and sell them. We can live for a month on that money!”
While the saleswoman thought that … and said, “A very smart choice. Without a doubt, it will fit you well! The curve of your foot and shin is very elegant, as if it were created just for these boots.”
You looked puzzled back and forth, from my feet to the snow-white boots on display in the store window.
Here, see, I even remembered this episode, though I had thought that inundating the ashes with water had erased everything. It is I who erases or remembers. Only one thing is left for you: to write episodes of this new story yourself. Otherwise there is a danger that I will repeat the story and get in trouble because of what I have created. When nothing was left from the former story neither for me nor possibly for you, you stated bluntly:
“We lost so many years in vain, I am to be blamed for that”- what else could you suggest? I saw clearly the headline of the new story.
This episode cannot be found either in the old story or in the new one, but maybe you were making sketches to put them in an appropriate place later. You knew beforehand that this new story would not be one that I would write. I want to be two characters this time – both the actor and the audience, and I will let you be the author. Let's see what will become of it.
“You are making mistakes one after another. Where will it lead to?” I thought you purred.
I pulled myself together: this was your first episode of the new story.
“I am head over heels in love, do not be inspired.” This was my first mistake.
“Hasn't yesterday's flower faded?” Here was the second one, as if you were telling me that it should have faded.
I thought to myself, if you want the flower to fade, it will. I have survived situations much harder than this.
“Do something that will free me from your presence.” This was my next mistake.
“Let's go. I will rape you, is that what you want? Or is it not a bad thing?” Another impressive episode…
Who won’t agree that the psychology of the beggar takes root in loveless areas to scorch and devastate a lush lawn?
I am not going to write anything this time, but will sit down with my arms folded and wait. You are the author; I am only the one who makes mistakes.
“Don't you have hand lotion? Hand lotion gives me erotic pleasure.”
I already thought that you managed...without me. “Finally I had a good sleep last night,” you said, and my heart sank.
Several days later I gave you hand lotion. This was another mistake.
Amazonians would be jealous of the unleashed freedom that is born from the fear of losing you.
“Haven't you been in these places? Tell me, haven't you been here?” There is a poorly-disguised irony in your voice hinting at - I know you have, but without me. It is a good episode, mixed with jealousy and revenge.
I am dying of the desire to touch your fingers. I am leaving silently without uttering a word. I have lost the count of my mistakes.
“It has barely been an hour or two, but I managed to miss you,” I say.
“Marry me, too, a little bit,” you respond.
“Enter the sanctuary,” I say with my prayer in mind, “Come through this door.”
“If I did not come now, then is it the end?” Do I invent this, or are you really in despair?
“Do not disappear.” I am going crazy.
“Keep the ruins in your soul.” You grin.
My hands stretch to you and do not reach you.
“Let it go!” surprisingly it’s you.
“Get out of my sight! Leave me alone!” I say in your new episode.
The taxi bears the torrent of my tears. Finally the story ends.
“Hello,” you say. What a plot!
“Hello,” I respond. Oh, not again, I made another mistake!
2006
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